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Showing posts from 2010

november 5th

in ten minutes it ll be 12, it ll be november 5th. 2 years ago on this day my brother succumbed after being in hospital for 5 days post a road traffic accident. 2 yrs ago i was the happy go lucky younger spolit sister of a quiet,tempramental 22 yr old who thought more about me than i did about him. 2yrs ago i was the girl who never had a crisis to face in her life. life without him in the picture has been a miserable climb on a mountain to find a place to stand. i keep losing my footing and then i fall back some. thankfully i have these barriers around me who keep me from falling over the edges,without them i would n have made it this far and be sane. 2 yrs ago when i had to hold the hands of my crying father and kiss the cheeks of my cold brother i never thought i would come to a day when i would be ok enough to write about it. as someone told me those last 6 days were so horrible that i donot remember the good times we had. this post is to remind myself. born 2 yrs elder to me, he pl

on being older but not any wiser..

ok so y is that birthdays are such a big deal? its not like it reminds of how much yonger and better the life is getting but just reminds us our growing disillusionment with life.. u r 4 and ur bday cake is all u worry about.. by 12 u think about the gifts u might get.. by 18 u r obsessed with who forgot your bday and by 22 u arent happy with anything! :P dont get me wrong, bdays are my favourite, its your day wen u are made to feel extra special by the people around you.. when they go the extra mile for you and in the last 22 yrs except for maybe 1 bday i hav never been unhappy.. but thn i am generally a happy person and yes i do hav witnesses to coroborate! :D but sometimes i think its about time i have gotten over my almost childish happiness at bdays.. but then every year i think next year and tht hasn happened yet, doesnt mean it wont happen next yr! :D i share my bday with my mom.. by wierd twist of our life lines, both of us were on the same day and i look exactly like her also,

self obsession to d next level :D

1.i talk a lot 2.i argue a lot 3.i like being right 4.i love making friends & meeting new people 5.i keep in touch (atleast more thn some i kno!) 6.i hate the heat & i love d first rains 7.i am a good listner too! (somebody blive me,i am!) 8.i am picky about food (as i hav found out recently!) 9.i love swimming 10.there s no one in my clinics batch i havent gotten into an argument with! :D (i still claim i wasn wrong most of d times) 11. i have a very sort temper and very stubborn streak! 12.i can keep secrets! 13.i have a big mouth literally! ( i can put my entire fist in my mouth!:D ) 14. i have hyper extensible joints! :D 15.i am totally jobless at the moment :D PS: any one with any objections or additions to d abve 15 pls feel free to comment! :D

on a simpler note..

so at the moment i have gotten 2 advice on my blogging skills, make it longer to put it plainly and make it simpler being the second one. one other conclusion i have come to by myself is that i dont talk sense! i dont mean that nobody understands my english, i mean people who donot kno me have no way in hell of knowing what i am talking about,ie there is no subject or object to my vague ponderings! but then who said blaoggin has to make sense to any one other than the blogger and if the reader cant make head or tail of it,well bad luck for them :D come to think of it i really should put more thought into what i am writing than just pen down the myriad of random thoughts in my head,i could comment about my very vocal interest in politics indian and otherwise but i am not sure i wont bore off the very few readers i have of now! :D anyway as i see it blogging is me clearing my head for new thoughts, not that i ever have lack of any new ones at a given time. its a personal note which i mos

i miss you..

i wish you were here.. i wish i had known how much you being there meant to me.. i wish i hadnt been the selfish spoilt younger one..i wish the last time i talked to you wasn a month before..i wish you had known i loved you.i miss having yelling sprees with you. i miss you calling me to just talk to me. i miss our constant bickering and fights.i miss making fun of you with girls.i miss knowing that you will not be around. i miss being worried at where you were going.i miss being the younger one. i miss confidence you had in me. i miss the fact you wont be there ever to see me make all my misakes and yell at me.i wish i had not taken you for granted. i wish you could see how guilty you not being there makes me. i wish i didn have to think i am alone.i wish i had seen your college after the no of times u told me. i wish you could see what amma is going through. i wish you were there for me to feel like the younger one again. most of all i wish i had known i would miss you this much once

to be loved

no i am not talking about the song, didn evn kno a song was there with the lyrics until like recently! i am talking about the knowledge that u are loved.before i am blamed for conceitedness(which i am blamed, unresaonably i believe, for quite usually :D) lemme try and explain! to know deep in your heart that there are people who care truly for how you are, is something i ask everyone to step back and enjoy. for those who haven been as lucky as i, i sincerely wish you better for the times to come. when you are yelled at for being upset over some stupid viva gone wrong, when u always have someone to confide in without being judged, when you are thrown 3 day long bdays when they didn hav to bother, when someone walks with you to your exam calming you that u ll be fine,when your thoughts are read on your face,when your are told to have happy thougts when you didn know u were having sad ones, when you are corrected from behaving like a total jerk, when you are made to walk straight,when you

on being 22..

old is how i feel! everyone in my college is younger than me, save a few.one fourth of my life is over (ie if i live to be 88!!)its a cliched statement that college life s the best with just fun and frolic and no worries but what the heck were they talking about?!!! if college after being supposedly worry-free is like this, god knows what actual life ( our parents think life we are having aren't the real ones!) will be like! don't get me wrong i loved my college like any next person andi am more excited than half the people i know to be going out there and explore the "real world" but it is kinda sad to know tht the people u spend Ur last 4 years with would fade on to being no more than faint hopefully pleasant memories..yes i know cycle of life and blah and blah but still..friendships made with thought and emotions will cease to be.. i am not naive enough to think "we ll keep in touch"! i think after college showed me how school faded away into abyss of mem

10 things i learnt in 4 yrs.

med school (or maybe manipal) has taught me to 1. be extremely good at cramming 2.complain day and night through months 3.stay away from friends if u still want to be friends 4.be ready for college for in a max of 10 min 5.have fun 6.experiment. 7.pleasures of travelling!! :D 8.be compltly pissed off at people for no fault of their own :D 9.be so bored tht u read paper and thn end up liking it!! 10.expect the unexpected in life (u ll still be shocked wen it hapns to you )
life is a mess.. and i mean it with all my heart.last time i wrote anything i was on the top of the world, i was invincible i was the happy go getter who couldnt understand why people didnt like talking as much as i did, one year and 9 months down the lane i can say my eyes have been rudely opened.i have learnt why people prefer silence and i hav learnt it the way one can only learn,the hard way,through experience.i have realised, silence is easier. i have a new found respect for the word of which's meaning i was blissfully unaware of for past 20 odd yrs. i would never hav agreed and meant it if anyone told me time changes you from your core. that the essence of who you are is dependant on circumstances and ironically not on you.life bringsout the worst in you and expects you to defy the change it will inevitably bring on you. dont bother trying to resist, somethings are meant to happen and not fought against. it becomes a whole new ball game if u realise what is happening to you a