Wednesday, February 08, 2017
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
Life has and ,I guess, always will be a mixed bag of surprises,some happy, some sad but never boring. I have been surprised at the curveballs it's thrown my way ,as if to check whether I am still in the game. Thankfully I still am.
Thinking back everything seems like a pre- written step towards something. I am not sure where it is supposed to lead or how I am supposed to make a difference but as usual I have been more or less happily going with the flow.
Things have happened in my life which makes me constantly feel that someone is looking out for me. Be it ending up in manipal(which even with the fees only was not easy for my parents to afford), meeting my friends turned soul sisters(sanity was their department ),meeting sam,losing my brother(an irreplaceable loss), marrying sam (who has become my pillar of support strength annoyance and irritation all combined in one) falling in love with anaesthesia, getting to study under an awe inspiring teacher, pregnancy, exams, court,exams again, and never to forget falling unconditionally and irrevocably (I didn't think such depth of feelings were possible ) in love with Eva.
Finally it's another turn,that of a job. With 10 years of studying behind me,finally the time has come to learn to start standing on your own rather than in the safe shadows of others. I am excited ,as I always am, about a new venture. Along with it are a handful of trepidations about the path ahead.
But as always I feel the presence of a guardian angel,never too far,never too close. I call him God and my shaky faith reminds me many a times of how i have always been in good hands but, as is the nature of man, I am prone to doubt. But I guess that is human.
Sunday, June 12, 2016
Be it in school or college or work she will always meet new people but only a handful become so entwined in your life that when something eventful happens in your life u wanna share it asap, it does not matter that u may be miles apart but they are never far away from your thoughts
You will fight,laugh,cry, party and share secrets with them which you will never tell your mother.
I hope, dear daughter, that you are as lucky as I have been.
Soul sisters of mine, aunties of hers, be around ,be connected,tell her things I probably never can, pamper her like I would and love her like you love me😚😚
Monday, May 16, 2016
So to give a brief synopsis of what happenedo far, I gave my theory exams in june,got pregnant in July, vomited my guts out from July to January and then finally pushed her out on March 6th.
Obviously I wasn't the glowing happy mom- to- be. I, err, was a little less than ecstatic when the stick turned pink ( do not judge me O mom s out there or if u do don't let me know, I could be vicious and blame it on post partum depression -which I was sure I'd have but turned out I didn't 😆)
Anyway to no surprise to me and lots to Sam (my significant other if u guys had forgotten) I had no maternal instincts whatsoever, while I was pregnant, to the point that I was worried whether I'd get any at all when she comes 😨.(yes i knew it was a she)All I was worried about was the pain I would have to go through(cause my husband aka the devil vetoed elective caesarean which made me question him again as to why I married him or why he should have say in how I get my baby out-he was smart enough to just let me vent my pregnancy hormones away 😆) and how to stop throwing everything up, and not to forget, my obsession about how I am going to lose all those kilos which just seemed to increase no matter how much I puked 😡
So after almost 24 hours of labor only 4 of which was actually torture (yay to epidural,it actually works 😂 )Evelyn arrived all of 3.4kg and 50cm! It sounds like she would be a good size baby rite? But she looked tiny! I couldn't believe I had actually done it (pushed her out, that is) and was still up to talk(sam would say complain😆) about it and since I had threatened him for 9 months about disowning him if he was his usual late self, the baby daddy was there not only to receive her but hold my hand too! As much as I hate to admit it,I have to conceed grudgingly that he was pretty great😆
Fast forward to 2 months I am beyond shocked at the maternal instincts I have developed!😂(thank god for oxytocin)I think now I should be worried whether I ll be the stereotypical mom cause my priorities have changed like I wouldn't believe. I am still amazed at the cringe in my heart on seeing her toothless smile! She cries her lungs out and upsets me to no end,she has given me new definition of sleepless nights and yet the new mom in me is constantly googling baby sites lest I do something wrong.
Obviously there are nights when cries makes me wanna pull my hair out but otherwise I would be a happily babbling mom just to see her smile at me!
orny as it may sound, I am sure all new moms out there agree tht their child has d most precious smile😁😊
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Life without lies has become like a sea without salt. You don't know if it exist s or not. Lying makes you try to believe something you desperately want to believe but that doesn't make it the Truth. it just makes it a comfortable lie.
YoU lie to yourself about how the hollow in your stomach is gonna disappear and how life is gonna be full again. YoU lie to yourself when you wake up in the morning about how today is gonna be different and how there's gonna be no lying, but even then you are just lying to yourself.
Does it stop? Do u get back to being you with minimal lying? (I say minimum cause saying "no lying "would be a lie again) Do you learn how to let go? Do you learn to not lie to yourself? Do you learn how to live with the knowledge that no one is perfect and and all that you thought could have been you lying to yourself? How do you trust then? Or is that the truth you learn?
Saturday, October 18, 2014
But now i have so many options in front of me, staring at my eyes, willing me to pick one and not regret it for the rest of my life.Do i relax when this is over or do i work again for progressing my career, do i start a family or do i go get more training which i really want to do.Can i have kids but not feel guilty about going for work.Can i have it all?
How do i know what to pick,how do i kinow what is right? How can i be sure i am not going to regret my decision 10years later? I am 26 years old, doing post graduation,happily married and i still have no clue what to choose. Add to that the confusion of love vs familyvs career i really wish at times life would be simpler.Gone are the days when the most complicated decision i had to take was to study or not to study.
If I had been a less ambitious self i would have been more content, ready to adjust with whatever life throws me but sadly I am not,never have been. Neither am i the kind to let life pass by,ending up wherever it wishes to take me.The curse of ambition is upon me,never has it troubled me this much that i am obsessive(it obviously only troubles others )The next few years will see me either go abroad for training,or go with Sam and start working or maybe start a family or maybe all at once :D
Wait and Watch or rather Wait and Read, i promise you it ll be an interesting read :P
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Any way one more birthday has gone by(yes this time around also it was special :D) i think me getting married has only made more people have to do something about my birthday as i am like a spoilt child that way :D ( But only that way, otherwise i will have at least a few confirming that i am anything but spoilt :D)
I am older, hopefully wiser,definitely married, and hoping to be better :-)
Life as it goes by makes you realize how lucky you are, i have wonderful parents who have made me who i am today (not that i am someone great :P but it could have been so much worse :P) i had a brother who treated me exactly like how younger sisters should be, i got lucky in the bestest of friends who have become like the sisters i never had (girls, my life wouldn't be the same without you people in it),i have been lucky to be loved and obviously still be loved ( Sam, dear u have no choice :P) a new set of parents who have made me their daughter and another brother for the one i couldn't appreciate enough for all of what he was.
Yeah birthdays make me sentimental and emotional (not that other occasions dont but birthdays are all about me :D)There s always a first in my birthdays,this one was the first since i got hitched, God knows what next year's first would be, hopefully it would the first since i passed my post graduate theory exams :D (if wishful thinking would pass me next year, i surely would :D)
They say when life gives you lemons,make lemonade BUT it has always given me lemonade so should i be making "my pink lady" or "purple rain" with it?? :D