Wednesday, February 08, 2017

A few life realisations of a 1 year old mom!

As my beautiful  (yes my eyes might be tinted for my little one but lots agree with me!πŸ˜†) daughter turns one soon, I cannot believe i am repeating the cliche of time has flown !(is that even a word? πŸ€”)
I have learnt quite a few things by myself in addition to the thousand things told and taught by  my mom's! (Yes i have 2, both are at times annoying and frustrating but when are moms not?😐)
So getting back to baby realisations-
1.yes as everyone knows but doesnt believe till it happens to them,your baby makes you mushy beings who coo and ahh at each sound they make,each step they take,each smile they give and what nots!
2. Babies are wiley if you didn't know,they know how exactly to wrap you  around their fingers, they ll have you buttered up with their toothless smiles and if that doesnt work there s the all time favourite high pitched yelling till they get that phone in their hand!
3. This i had read somewhere but i am reinforcing strongly-donot look into their eyes if you  are trying to make them sleep, that is when they decide sleep is boring and that they d rather be making you carry them around but not sleep!😏
4. The psychologists/psychiatrists out there might disagree with me scientifically but i strongly urge all new moms to know that all babies are bipolar!!!! They smile and laugh at you one second and the next they scream like their cute butts are on fire, for God knows what reason most of the times!
5. Also babies have real good manners! They smile and charm when people are around and save the fussiness and crying for only familyπŸ˜‹
 But whatever said and done the open miuthed smile when you come home from work and the sloppy kisses are the best thigs that has ever happened  to me!😍😍

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

A moment of introspection

Life has and ,I guess, always will be a mixed bag of surprises,some happy, some  sad but never boring. I have been surprised at the curveballs it's thrown my way ,as if to check whether I am still in the game. Thankfully I still am.

Thinking back everything seems like a pre- written step towards something. I am not sure where it is supposed to lead or how I am supposed to make a difference but as usual I have been more or less happily going with the flow.

Things have happened in my life which makes me constantly feel that someone is looking out for me. Be it ending up in manipal(which even with the fees only was not easy  for my parents to afford), meeting my friends turned soul sisters(sanity was their department ),meeting sam,losing my brother(an irreplaceable loss), marrying sam (who has become my pillar of support strength annoyance and irritation all combined in one) falling in love with anaesthesia, getting to study under an awe inspiring teacher, pregnancy, exams, court,exams again, and never to forget falling unconditionally and irrevocably  (I didn't think such depth of feelings were possible  ) in love with Eva.
Finally it's another turn,that of a job. With 10 years of studying behind me,finally the time has come to learn to start standing on your own rather than in the safe shadows of others. I am excited ,as I always am, about a new venture. Along with it are a handful of trepidations about the path ahead.
But as always I feel the presence of a guardian angel,never too far,never too close. I call him God and my shaky faith reminds me many a times of  how i have always been in good hands but, as is the nature of man, I am prone to doubt. But I guess that is human.

Sunday, June 12, 2016

Soul Sisters

There are lots of thing I want for my baby girl.But one thing I hope she ll get while she is growing up are friends who are almost better than family.Her mom won't always be able to relate to her. The age gap of 27 years becomes a generation gap long before anyone realises it, there will be a time when she listen to her friends more than to her family and to be blessed with a good lot is discovery I hope she makes.
Be it in school or college or work she will always meet new people but only a handful become so entwined in your life that when something eventful happens in your life u wanna share it asap, it does not matter that u may be miles apart but they are never far away from your thoughts
You will fight,laugh,cry, party and share secrets with them which you will never tell your mother.
I hope, dear daughter, that you are as lucky as I have been.
Soul sisters of mine, aunties of hers, be around ,be connected,tell her things I probably never can, pamper her like I would and love her like you love me😚😚

Monday, May 16, 2016

From career girl to babbling mom!

It s been a really long while since I posted anything. It obviously doesn't mean nothing has been happening, it just means I have been procrastinating as usual, with the tomorrow coming today, after one and half years! But then, if I post everyday you guys would get bored right? πŸ˜„
So to give a brief synopsis of what happenedo far, I gave my theory exams in june,got pregnant in July, vomited my guts out from July to January and then finally pushed her out on March 6th.
Obviously I wasn't the glowing happy mom- to- be. I, err, was a little less than ecstatic when the stick turned pink ( do not judge me O mom s out there or if u do don't let me know, I could be vicious and blame it on post partum depression -which I was sure I'd have but turned out I didn't πŸ˜†)
Anyway to no surprise to me and lots to Sam (my significant other if u guys had forgotten) I had no maternal instincts whatsoever,  while I was pregnant, to the point that I was worried whether I'd get any at all when she comes 😨.(yes i knew it was a she)All I was worried about was the pain I would have to go through(cause my husband aka the devil vetoed elective caesarean which made me question him again as to why I married him or why he should have say in how I get my baby out-he was smart enough to just let me vent my pregnancy hormones away πŸ˜†) and how to stop throwing everything up, and not to forget, my obsession about how I am going to lose all those kilos which just seemed to increase no matter how much I puked 😑
So after almost 24 hours of labor only 4 of which was actually torture (yay to epidural,it actually works πŸ˜‚ )Evelyn arrived all of 3.4kg and 50cm! It sounds like she would be a good size baby rite? But she looked tiny! I couldn't believe I had actually done it (pushed her out, that is) and was still up to talk(sam would say complainπŸ˜†) about it and since I had threatened him for 9 months about disowning him if he was his usual late self, the baby daddy was there not only to receive her but hold my hand too! As much as I hate to admit it,I have to conceed grudgingly that he was pretty greatπŸ˜†
Fast forward to 2 months I am beyond shocked at the maternal instincts I have developed!πŸ˜‚(thank god for oxytocin)I think now I should be worried whether I ll be the stereotypical mom cause my priorities have changed like I wouldn't believe. I am still amazed at the cringe in my heart on seeing her toothless smile! She cries her lungs out and upsets me to no end,she has given me new definition of sleepless nights and yet the new mom in me is constantly googling baby sites lest I do something wrong.
Obviously there are nights when cries makes me wanna pull my hair out but otherwise I would be a happily babbling mom just to see her smile at me!
orny as it may sound, I am sure all new moms out there agree tht their child has d most precious smile😁😊

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Lies or is it truths?

We lie.We lie to each other about how it doesn't matter, we lie about how it doesn't change us, we lie about how we feel.We lie about everything. Do we lie to make ourselves feel better or do we lie to pretend all is well? Do we get sense of complacency when the world around us believe our lies?

Life without lies has become like a  sea without salt. You don't know if it exist s or not. Lying makes you try to believe something you desperately want to believe but that doesn't make it the Truth. it just makes it a comfortable lie.
YoU lie to yourself about how the hollow in your stomach is gonna disappear and how life is gonna be full again. YoU lie to yourself when you wake up in the morning about how today is gonna be different and how there's gonna be no lying, but even then you are just lying to yourself.
Does it stop? Do u get back to being you with minimal lying? (I say minimum cause saying "no lying "would be a lie again) Do you learn how to let go? Do you learn to not lie to yourself? Do you learn how to live with the knowledge that no one is perfect and and all that you thought could have been you lying to yourself? How do you trust then? Or is that the truth you learn?

Saturday, October 18, 2014

The curse of Ambition

I have reached a juncture of my life where within a year a lot of decisions have to be made. Unlike the usual obsessive planning I do for my life,thinking about the next couple of years gives me the creeps. Never has it been this confusing.When I was in tenth it was study for boards and get into ISC, when in 12th it was get good marks work for entrance and get into medicine.Every year from then on, was just study to get to next year.Then post MBBS it was entrance all over again but all those times there was never any major confusions regarding where I was heading towards. It was always working towards getting a good career & getting married to sam  but now both are enroute, I have no worries that my dad is going to throw the gauntlet down and stop me form marrying sam (cause its already done and they seem to like him more than me these days :O :I)

But now i have so many options in front of me, staring at my eyes, willing me to pick one and not regret it for the rest of my life.Do i relax when this is over or do i work again for progressing my career, do i start a family or do i go get more training which i really want to do.Can i have kids but not feel guilty about going for work.Can i have it all?

How do i know what to pick,how do i kinow what is right? How can i be sure i am not going to regret my decision 10years later? I am 26 years old, doing post graduation,happily married and i still have no clue what to choose. Add to that the confusion of love vs familyvs career i really wish at times life would be simpler.Gone are the days when the most complicated decision i had to take was to study or not to study.

If I had been a less ambitious self i would have been more content, ready to adjust with whatever life throws me but sadly I am not,never have been. Neither am i the kind to let life pass by,ending up wherever it wishes to take me.The curse of ambition is upon me,never has it troubled me this much that i am obsessive(it obviously only troubles others )The next few years will see me either go abroad for training,or go with Sam and start working or maybe start a family or maybe all at once :D

Wait and Watch or rather Wait and Read, i promise you it ll be an interesting read :P

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Definitely Wiser (i think! :D)

It has been a custom which  i have set to write something in and around my birthday. NO it does not mean i am self obsessed (my detractors be warned :D) I am just the kind who likes birthdays.There are 2 kinds of people in the world, the first which includes yours truly is the kind who believes in celebrating birthdays, however old you become.How does it matter if u are 2yrs,6yrs,26yrs or 62 yrs?! Your birthday is and always will beYOUR birthday, even if no one else is happy about it, you should be celebrating the blessings you have with all pomp and glamour (doesn't that make an for excellent excuse for cutting cakes and getting gifts? :P)Not to forget, is the second kind which includes yours truly's TRULY(Duh' Sam u fools :P, my husband, for the even slower ones :D)who doesnt seem to want to make any deal out of his birthdays :O. But i can not obviously let that be, i do my part in doing something (it is never upto what i want it to be like, but he is like 3000miles away so  it puts a damper on my efforts!)

Any way one more birthday has gone by(yes this time around also it was special :D) i think me getting married has only made more people have to do something about my birthday as i am like a spoilt child that way :D ( But only that way, otherwise i will have at least a few confirming that i am anything but spoilt :D)
I am older, hopefully wiser,definitely married, and hoping to be better :-)

Life as it goes by makes you realize how lucky you are, i have wonderful parents who have made me who i am today (not that i am someone great :P but it could have been so much worse :P) i had a brother who treated me exactly like how younger sisters should be, i got lucky in the bestest of friends who have become like the sisters i never had (girls, my life wouldn't be the same without you people in it),i have been lucky to be loved and obviously still be loved ( Sam, dear u have no choice :P) a new set of parents who have made me their daughter and another brother for the one i couldn't appreciate enough for all of what he was.

Yeah birthdays make me sentimental and emotional (not that other occasions dont but birthdays are all about me :D)There s always a first in my birthdays,this one was the first since i got hitched, God knows what next year's first would be, hopefully it would the first since i passed my post graduate theory exams :D (if wishful thinking would pass me next year, i surely would :D)

They say when life gives you lemons,make lemonade BUT it has always given me lemonade so should i be making "my pink lady" or "purple rain" with it?? :D
PS: Sorry sangi for stealing your pic :D