november 5th
in ten minutes it ll be 12, it ll be november 5th. 2 years ago on this day my brother succumbed after being in hospital for 5 days post a road traffic accident. 2 yrs ago i was the happy go lucky younger spolit sister of a quiet,tempramental 22 yr old who thought more about me than i did about him. 2yrs ago i was the girl who never had a crisis to face in her life. life without him in the picture has been a miserable climb on a mountain to find a place to stand. i keep losing my footing and then i fall back some. thankfully i have these barriers around me who keep me from falling over the edges,without them i would n have made it this far and be sane.
2 yrs ago when i had to hold the hands of my crying father and kiss the cheeks of my cold brother i never thought i would come to a day when i would be ok enough to write about it.
as someone told me those last 6 days were so horrible that i donot remember the good times we had. this post is to remind myself.
born 2 yrs elder to me, he player the act of elder bro to perfection, we used to have these horrendous fights where both of us pull of each others hairs and make each others life hell :D
i was the typical tattle tale younger sis, the bossy know it all who he had to share a room with till we were 10 & 12.life changed or the relationship changed wen we came to college. he used to call me and we used to side with each other against our parents. he called me regularly everyday, sometimes even enough to bug me. with the first meagre salary he made he bought me a skirt. the one and only time he got drunk he called me to tell me about it and sounded totally gone. he was my typical elder bro whom i was scared sometimes more than my mom i think. gone were the times when i destroyed his works of art and he threw a knife at me,instead we had chats about college and life. when he flunked one paper he called me to ask what to do. in some ways we were closer apart than when we were together
regrets ?
i have never told him how much i loved being hte younger sister, i have never told him how proud i was when he found a job for himself. we weren close the last few months but i never in my wildest dreams thought i ll be spending the rest of my life as a single child.
when people ask me today if i hav a sibling i sometimes say no i dont because its easier than to burst into tears but that changes today.
somewhere along the line i realised you were and always will be my achacha even if i might never get to say that out loud again i should and will never ever deny that.
2 yrs ago when i had to hold the hands of my crying father and kiss the cheeks of my cold brother i never thought i would come to a day when i would be ok enough to write about it.
as someone told me those last 6 days were so horrible that i donot remember the good times we had. this post is to remind myself.
born 2 yrs elder to me, he player the act of elder bro to perfection, we used to have these horrendous fights where both of us pull of each others hairs and make each others life hell :D
i was the typical tattle tale younger sis, the bossy know it all who he had to share a room with till we were 10 & 12.life changed or the relationship changed wen we came to college. he used to call me and we used to side with each other against our parents. he called me regularly everyday, sometimes even enough to bug me. with the first meagre salary he made he bought me a skirt. the one and only time he got drunk he called me to tell me about it and sounded totally gone. he was my typical elder bro whom i was scared sometimes more than my mom i think. gone were the times when i destroyed his works of art and he threw a knife at me,instead we had chats about college and life. when he flunked one paper he called me to ask what to do. in some ways we were closer apart than when we were together
regrets ?
i have never told him how much i loved being hte younger sister, i have never told him how proud i was when he found a job for himself. we weren close the last few months but i never in my wildest dreams thought i ll be spending the rest of my life as a single child.
when people ask me today if i hav a sibling i sometimes say no i dont because its easier than to burst into tears but that changes today.
somewhere along the line i realised you were and always will be my achacha even if i might never get to say that out loud again i should and will never ever deny that.
Comments
- Prashant
I am amazed at how strong girls are mentally!!..It really pains when u ask somebody about their siblings and they simply smiles and say.."No, I don't...." and then u later realize the true story....this is my second such encounter...
Sister bro relation-one that I personally lack but I know how strong it is...and your bro was lucky to have a sis like ya..cos ur post speaks how much u loved him...
This post and the writer inspires me to move on bravely in life shrugging off the sufferings...
God bless ya
@ FJ : wiritng is more about me getting it out of the system..and strong would be not a word i use to desribe myself but i am glad someone thinks so! :D
last 2 yrs i hav made a lot of mistakes and hopefully i wont repat thm..
thnks for visiting :-)