dreams of a life time

Anyone who has seen me will can vouch for my article :D I have always been of more than average height for a girl to be called outright fat but have had enough on me till 3 yrs ago to be called more than chubby. Of course this is not to say I was someone who was happy with the excess I had on me but then was always too lazy to do anything about it :D my dad had this standing joke from probably when I was 15 or so about how I wouldn’t fit through a door by the time I turned 35 :O. none of what my dad said could budge me to do anything about it and anyway it’s my dad, I knew he was kidding (didn’t i? :D) Well all that kind of changed 3yrs ago. I guess I could put the blame on 2 very special people. They had their own reasons but I would not have done a thing to change till I myself came to that conclusion by myself.( Sam can vouch for how much time it takes to convince me of something :D) but anyway 3 yrs and almost 10 kg lesser I am glad I made the change :D this is not to say it

the title itself is way too serious for my easy go lucky blog of mine ( so i believe) but its something i have contemplated quite a few times,more times confusedly than anything and wondered if i was the only one around who thought unconditional love was just a word of stories and movies.  This thought,before any of u jump to conclusions,does NOT come from any cynicism or any less faith in love. For those who know me and those who dont, let me tell you i am a really BIG romantic , yes i love mushy movies,grand gestures,feel good books (roomie dear, vouch for me :D) and am strong advocator of being happily in love. i have been loved and cared for, and with gods grace, never ever been unlucky in any kind of love.  i am excluding parents from this equation when i doubt unconditional love (my mother must have unconditional love for forgiving the THINGS i did,do and will do :D)  but when i think about love,i have always understood of myself that i put effort,time and care into a reltio

I am 23 and ¾ th yrs old. U would think I am too young to know some one for 14 yrs but apparently not!Friendships you make when you are ten are not suppsed to last till you are 24,nobody would fault you for losing touch or not having the same depth as before.But I can confidently say I have known N for 14 yrs with the same depth of friendship as we shared when we were ten. Anybody  who knows us would say we are as different as friends go,for two people who really only studied together for 2 yrs and that too when we were 10 and 11yrs, we have stuck it out. We have seen so much of each others life it would be a sin if we lose touch after these long 14 yrs and believe me I don’t think we will!Its not like we were in the same town while in college and hence it was easy or anything like that. She was in kerala I was in manipal,she is in blore am in kerala.scenes have changed people have changed but fate has kept us close.i believe there is always a situation in your life when the presenc

i remember being told, or was it among those things we just know but dont know how exactly we know,that speaking out loud what u dearly want could jinx it.Its probably one of those old wives tales which i would'n pay any attention to until its about something i want :D Anyway this is very important to me,this will shape out what i do for the rest of my life starting next year SO i am not taking any chances.Yes its obviously about what post graduation i am hoping to get into and anyone who has talked to me recently is already aware of it but sending it out into the big bad world seems like bad karma!  I started out,in school, wanting to be Dr.Teena, IAS.(yes it sounds cool!) Somewhere along the journey to get those prefixes the dream changed from those post fixes. lets say it had to do with long hours spend cramming,some precious moments u experience with those prefixes and changes in priority which happens when life becomes happier.(not that i was unhappy before!) So it changed,n

i am not even sure anyone reads the random ravings of MOI but it gives me intense satisafaction to think i have a wide and varied audience who patiently reads through my ramblings and hopefully it brings on their(atelast on 1) faces a smile, if that happen s i d say my job here( though i have been absconding for mooooonttthhs) is DONE! anyway laziness plus too many things happening but none of significane can be blamed on these rare appaearances. so i make no promises that i ll follow through with this one and become a prmanent blogger (ppl would prolly thank me for tht :D) anyway for anyone who hasn been updated on my change of scene, i finished mbbs,house surgeoncy,graduation,8 unsuccesful entrance exams(no it doesnt make me pathetic :D),shifted bases to thrissur,started work(hard earned money has its own value :D) and am hoping to sudy study and study this year in hopes of cracking the 9th exam!! even though blogging is supposed to be open your soul kinda thing me being an extre

I woke up with a start at 7.45am,i was so LATE!! I was supposed to be in hospital at 8 and that too for DMO(duty medical officer) and of all the days i had to tak an early morning shower to make sure i dont wanna rip my skin out of being in hospital for 24 hrs without seein outside sun and after being in all the wierd smells possible!!! i rush and am here by 8.15 and everythng seems to be going slow & stable,just 2 patients-1, 54 yr old with cough & fever with creps & xray that even i can diagnose as pneumonia and 1 18yr old gal who s prolly having an anxiety attack cause of an exam.lets see what my day has in hold for me.if i get a chance to blog again that mean i am way too relaxed!! lets hope i do!! :D

1.OBG is not for me,i can think of one who d be glad to hear tht! :P 2.interns get shouted at by pg s who get shouted by asst.prof who get it from assoc prof who gets it from hou s. 3.we totally deserve the money they are giving us! 4.moments of internship bring a smile to your face and make all of it worth it! 5.we dont know eonugh to cure but thankfully we know enough not cause more harm. 6.sisters are a gem! they make our lives easier and many a times they know more from their experience than we do. 7.every day in hospital u see a doctor whom you should pray that you dont turn out like. 8.some teachers of us are so good they deserve the respect we give and some are so bad,we wonder what they are doing most of the time?! 9.humility is a virtue one can never have too much off! 10.and yes ofcourse noone ever told tht PG life is this bad! :O :O 11.finally,this seems like all the fun we ll have so pls do have fun!!!

tra la la! tra la la! ta da da, ta da da! it only works well with the specific tune in my head :D i cant help it that none of you get it :P i would skip around if i was sure i could skip around without breaking something around or spraining my "problematic" double joints :D even though i have quite a few to spare its been already under enough thru 22 yrs, y test it any further?! so anyone who knows anythn about my life rite now,(shame on you, who didn keep in touch :P ) knows my boundless energy ( yes, a little more than my usual annoying amounts ;) ) comes from almost being done with MBBS :D who knew 5 yrs back that this day would come this fast?! yes lots hav happened in life, i am 5 yrs older and much wiser (i would like to believe :D ) and with a degree almost in my hands! lets hope i am not being too premature about this article and tht i pass! anyways with lots of late nights, too less sleep, and a few break downs i am here (ok, i still have ne more to go! :D )on the ot

in ten minutes it ll be 12, it ll be november 5th. 2 years ago on this day my brother succumbed after being in hospital for 5 days post a road traffic accident. 2 yrs ago i was the happy go lucky younger spolit sister of a quiet,tempramental 22 yr old who thought more about me than i did about him. 2yrs ago i was the girl who never had a crisis to face in her life. life without him in the picture has been a miserable climb on a mountain to find a place to stand. i keep losing my footing and then i fall back some. thankfully i have these barriers around me who keep me from falling over the edges,without them i would n have made it this far and be sane. 2 yrs ago when i had to hold the hands of my crying father and kiss the cheeks of my cold brother i never thought i would come to a day when i would be ok enough to write about it. as someone told me those last 6 days were so horrible that i donot remember the good times we had. this post is to remind myself. born 2 yrs elder to me, he pl

ok so y is that birthdays are such a big deal? its not like it reminds of how much yonger and better the life is getting but just reminds us our growing disillusionment with life.. u r 4 and ur bday cake is all u worry about.. by 12 u think about the gifts u might get.. by 18 u r obsessed with who forgot your bday and by 22 u arent happy with anything! :P dont get me wrong, bdays are my favourite, its your day wen u are made to feel extra special by the people around you.. when they go the extra mile for you and in the last 22 yrs except for maybe 1 bday i hav never been unhappy.. but thn i am generally a happy person and yes i do hav witnesses to coroborate! :D but sometimes i think its about time i have gotten over my almost childish happiness at bdays.. but then every year i think next year and tht hasn happened yet, doesnt mean it wont happen next yr! :D i share my bday with my mom.. by wierd twist of our life lines, both of us were on the same day and i look exactly like her also,

1.i talk a lot 2.i argue a lot 3.i like being right 4.i love making friends & meeting new people 5.i keep in touch (atleast more thn some i kno!) 6.i hate the heat & i love d first rains 7.i am a good listner too! (somebody blive me,i am!) 8.i am picky about food (as i hav found out recently!) 9.i love swimming 10.there s no one in my clinics batch i havent gotten into an argument with! :D (i still claim i wasn wrong most of d times) 11. i have a very sort temper and very stubborn streak! 12.i can keep secrets! 13.i have a big mouth literally! ( i can put my entire fist in my mouth!:D ) 14. i have hyper extensible joints! :D 15.i am totally jobless at the moment :D PS: any one with any objections or additions to d abve 15 pls feel free to comment! :D

so at the moment i have gotten 2 advice on my blogging skills, make it longer to put it plainly and make it simpler being the second one. one other conclusion i have come to by myself is that i dont talk sense! i dont mean that nobody understands my english, i mean people who donot kno me have no way in hell of knowing what i am talking about,ie there is no subject or object to my vague ponderings! but then who said blaoggin has to make sense to any one other than the blogger and if the reader cant make head or tail of it,well bad luck for them :D come to think of it i really should put more thought into what i am writing than just pen down the myriad of random thoughts in my head,i could comment about my very vocal interest in politics indian and otherwise but i am not sure i wont bore off the very few readers i have of now! :D anyway as i see it blogging is me clearing my head for new thoughts, not that i ever have lack of any new ones at a given time. its a personal note which i mos

i wish you were here.. i wish i had known how much you being there meant to me.. i wish i hadnt been the selfish spoilt younger one..i wish the last time i talked to you wasn a month before..i wish you had known i loved you.i miss having yelling sprees with you. i miss you calling me to just talk to me. i miss our constant bickering and fights.i miss making fun of you with girls.i miss knowing that you will not be around. i miss being worried at where you were going.i miss being the younger one. i miss confidence you had in me. i miss the fact you wont be there ever to see me make all my misakes and yell at me.i wish i had not taken you for granted. i wish you could see how guilty you not being there makes me. i wish i didn have to think i am alone.i wish i had seen your college after the no of times u told me. i wish you could see what amma is going through. i wish you were there for me to feel like the younger one again. most of all i wish i had known i would miss you this much once

no i am not talking about the song, didn evn kno a song was there with the lyrics until like recently! i am talking about the knowledge that u are loved.before i am blamed for conceitedness(which i am blamed, unresaonably i believe, for quite usually :D) lemme try and explain! to know deep in your heart that there are people who care truly for how you are, is something i ask everyone to step back and enjoy. for those who haven been as lucky as i, i sincerely wish you better for the times to come. when you are yelled at for being upset over some stupid viva gone wrong, when u always have someone to confide in without being judged, when you are thrown 3 day long bdays when they didn hav to bother, when someone walks with you to your exam calming you that u ll be fine,when your thoughts are read on your face,when your are told to have happy thougts when you didn know u were having sad ones, when you are corrected from behaving like a total jerk, when you are made to walk straight,when you

old is how i feel! everyone in my college is younger than me, save a few.one fourth of my life is over (ie if i live to be 88!!)its a cliched statement that college life s the best with just fun and frolic and no worries but what the heck were they talking about?!!! if college after being supposedly worry-free is like this, god knows what actual life ( our parents think life we are having aren't the real ones!) will be like! don't get me wrong i loved my college like any next person andi am more excited than half the people i know to be going out there and explore the "real world" but it is kinda sad to know tht the people u spend Ur last 4 years with would fade on to being no more than faint hopefully pleasant memories..yes i know cycle of life and blah and blah but still..friendships made with thought and emotions will cease to be.. i am not naive enough to think "we ll keep in touch"! i think after college showed me how school faded away into abyss of mem

med school (or maybe manipal) has taught me to 1. be extremely good at cramming 2.complain day and night through months 3.stay away from friends if u still want to be friends 4.be ready for college for in a max of 10 min 5.have fun 6.experiment. 7.pleasures of travelling!! :D 8.be compltly pissed off at people for no fault of their own :D 9.be so bored tht u read paper and thn end up liking it!! 10.expect the unexpected in life (u ll still be shocked wen it hapns to you )

life is a mess.. and i mean it with all my heart.last time i wrote anything i was on the top of the world, i was invincible i was the happy go getter who couldnt understand why people didnt like talking as much as i did, one year and 9 months down the lane i can say my eyes have been rudely opened.i have learnt why people prefer silence and i hav learnt it the way one can only learn,the hard way,through experience.i have realised, silence is easier. i have a new found respect for the word of which's meaning i was blissfully unaware of for past 20 odd yrs. i would never hav agreed and meant it if anyone told me time changes you from your core. that the essence of who you are is dependant on circumstances and ironically not on you.life bringsout the worst in you and expects you to defy the change it will inevitably bring on you. dont bother trying to resist, somethings are meant to happen and not fought against. it becomes a whole new ball game if u realise what is happening to you a

Note: this has been an effort frm my part to get back to blogging.postin an article i scribbled for the magazine. I don’t even like sitting and writing articles for the purpose of it being read and criticized by the half the population u know but this is a special situation. On top of helping out a friend who seems to be in dire need of articles to publish I get to aggravate my roomie aka best friend to the limit! You’ll ask if she can’t put up a protest over being written about. Usually she would, but considering her cocky “write about me” statement (which she never in the world thought I would actually do) is the reason I am even writing this nonsensical piece of prose, puts her at a disadvantage in an argument. Writing about your roomie is so 4th standardish so I’ll try to explain the room arrangement we both share which seems to confuse all my guy friends as to how we are roomies but not really. Contradicting isn’t it?! We are roomies cause I am in her room more than half the time

i cant believe its been more than two years since i jotted down anything in this online journal of mine! i guess i shouldn be surprised considering my actual diary is sittin on the shelf gathering dust for quite some time now.. "no time" is not an excuse and a very lame one even if it is.. cause its not like i never go online..why cant i find 30 min extra min in a day to jot down something if not here atleast in my diary?? cause most of the days, most of the time iam LAZY! lemme see how long this new found vigour of mine lasts.. it has been 2 long years since i came here.. two years of fun friends and freedom. dont get me wrong its not like my parents were so strict i was waiting to get out of my home..no they are sweet people who have always let me have my way.. lots have happened in the past two years.lots have changed. my hostel,my friends and even me.. is it for the better or for the worse? i belive it to be the former than the latter and nobody has told me otherwise.. a

Today it seems to me that the angel knew what he was talking about! Far away from home and in the midst of a whole new set of friends I think about all those who left footprints in my life. Every aspect of my life saw a change to the brighter side just because of those. Be it the success of having landed in a prestigious medical school or knowing how to be myself without getting lost among the crowd or making the proper decisions at the time they are needed and my etiquette which improved vastly thanks to all those angels who were and still are a big part of my life .they took care of me when I was sad, shouted at me when I deserved that and showed me the way to growing up without making it apparent. At this point of time looking back I realize their guidance help and the fun we had in between are the reasons for molding me into the person I am today. But now I am so far away from them all that I feel their presence more. Being able to talk to the