dreams of a life time

in ten minutes it ll be 12, it ll be november 5th. 2 years ago on this day my brother succumbed after being in hospital for 5 days post a road traffic accident. 2 yrs ago i was the happy go lucky younger spolit sister of a quiet,tempramental 22 yr old who thought more about me than i did about him. 2yrs ago i was the girl who never had a crisis to face in her life. life without him in the picture has been a miserable climb on a mountain to find a place to stand. i keep losing my footing and then i fall back some. thankfully i have these barriers around me who keep me from falling over the edges,without them i would n have made it this far and be sane. 2 yrs ago when i had to hold the hands of my crying father and kiss the cheeks of my cold brother i never thought i would come to a day when i would be ok enough to write about it. as someone told me those last 6 days were so horrible that i donot remember the good times we had. this post is to remind myself. born 2 yrs elder to me, he pl

ok so y is that birthdays are such a big deal? its not like it reminds of how much yonger and better the life is getting but just reminds us our growing disillusionment with life.. u r 4 and ur bday cake is all u worry about.. by 12 u think about the gifts u might get.. by 18 u r obsessed with who forgot your bday and by 22 u arent happy with anything! :P dont get me wrong, bdays are my favourite, its your day wen u are made to feel extra special by the people around you.. when they go the extra mile for you and in the last 22 yrs except for maybe 1 bday i hav never been unhappy.. but thn i am generally a happy person and yes i do hav witnesses to coroborate! :D but sometimes i think its about time i have gotten over my almost childish happiness at bdays.. but then every year i think next year and tht hasn happened yet, doesnt mean it wont happen next yr! :D i share my bday with my mom.. by wierd twist of our life lines, both of us were on the same day and i look exactly like her also,

1.i talk a lot 2.i argue a lot 3.i like being right 4.i love making friends & meeting new people 5.i keep in touch (atleast more thn some i kno!) 6.i hate the heat & i love d first rains 7.i am a good listner too! (somebody blive me,i am!) 8.i am picky about food (as i hav found out recently!) 9.i love swimming 10.there s no one in my clinics batch i havent gotten into an argument with! :D (i still claim i wasn wrong most of d times) 11. i have a very sort temper and very stubborn streak! 12.i can keep secrets! 13.i have a big mouth literally! ( i can put my entire fist in my mouth!:D ) 14. i have hyper extensible joints! :D 15.i am totally jobless at the moment :D PS: any one with any objections or additions to d abve 15 pls feel free to comment! :D

so at the moment i have gotten 2 advice on my blogging skills, make it longer to put it plainly and make it simpler being the second one. one other conclusion i have come to by myself is that i dont talk sense! i dont mean that nobody understands my english, i mean people who donot kno me have no way in hell of knowing what i am talking about,ie there is no subject or object to my vague ponderings! but then who said blaoggin has to make sense to any one other than the blogger and if the reader cant make head or tail of it,well bad luck for them :D come to think of it i really should put more thought into what i am writing than just pen down the myriad of random thoughts in my head,i could comment about my very vocal interest in politics indian and otherwise but i am not sure i wont bore off the very few readers i have of now! :D anyway as i see it blogging is me clearing my head for new thoughts, not that i ever have lack of any new ones at a given time. its a personal note which i mos

i wish you were here.. i wish i had known how much you being there meant to me.. i wish i hadnt been the selfish spoilt younger one..i wish the last time i talked to you wasn a month before..i wish you had known i loved you.i miss having yelling sprees with you. i miss you calling me to just talk to me. i miss our constant bickering and fights.i miss making fun of you with girls.i miss knowing that you will not be around. i miss being worried at where you were going.i miss being the younger one. i miss confidence you had in me. i miss the fact you wont be there ever to see me make all my misakes and yell at me.i wish i had not taken you for granted. i wish you could see how guilty you not being there makes me. i wish i didn have to think i am alone.i wish i had seen your college after the no of times u told me. i wish you could see what amma is going through. i wish you were there for me to feel like the younger one again. most of all i wish i had known i would miss you this much once

no i am not talking about the song, didn evn kno a song was there with the lyrics until like recently! i am talking about the knowledge that u are loved.before i am blamed for conceitedness(which i am blamed, unresaonably i believe, for quite usually :D) lemme try and explain! to know deep in your heart that there are people who care truly for how you are, is something i ask everyone to step back and enjoy. for those who haven been as lucky as i, i sincerely wish you better for the times to come. when you are yelled at for being upset over some stupid viva gone wrong, when u always have someone to confide in without being judged, when you are thrown 3 day long bdays when they didn hav to bother, when someone walks with you to your exam calming you that u ll be fine,when your thoughts are read on your face,when your are told to have happy thougts when you didn know u were having sad ones, when you are corrected from behaving like a total jerk, when you are made to walk straight,when you

old is how i feel! everyone in my college is younger than me, save a few.one fourth of my life is over (ie if i live to be 88!!)its a cliched statement that college life s the best with just fun and frolic and no worries but what the heck were they talking about?!!! if college after being supposedly worry-free is like this, god knows what actual life ( our parents think life we are having aren't the real ones!) will be like! don't get me wrong i loved my college like any next person andi am more excited than half the people i know to be going out there and explore the "real world" but it is kinda sad to know tht the people u spend Ur last 4 years with would fade on to being no more than faint hopefully pleasant memories..yes i know cycle of life and blah and blah but still..friendships made with thought and emotions will cease to be.. i am not naive enough to think "we ll keep in touch"! i think after college showed me how school faded away into abyss of mem

med school (or maybe manipal) has taught me to 1. be extremely good at cramming 2.complain day and night through months 3.stay away from friends if u still want to be friends 4.be ready for college for in a max of 10 min 5.have fun 6.experiment. 7.pleasures of travelling!! :D 8.be compltly pissed off at people for no fault of their own :D 9.be so bored tht u read paper and thn end up liking it!! 10.expect the unexpected in life (u ll still be shocked wen it hapns to you )

life is a mess.. and i mean it with all my heart.last time i wrote anything i was on the top of the world, i was invincible i was the happy go getter who couldnt understand why people didnt like talking as much as i did, one year and 9 months down the lane i can say my eyes have been rudely opened.i have learnt why people prefer silence and i hav learnt it the way one can only learn,the hard way,through experience.i have realised, silence is easier. i have a new found respect for the word of which's meaning i was blissfully unaware of for past 20 odd yrs. i would never hav agreed and meant it if anyone told me time changes you from your core. that the essence of who you are is dependant on circumstances and ironically not on you.life bringsout the worst in you and expects you to defy the change it will inevitably bring on you. dont bother trying to resist, somethings are meant to happen and not fought against. it becomes a whole new ball game if u realise what is happening to you a

Note: this has been an effort frm my part to get back to blogging.postin an article i scribbled for the magazine. I don’t even like sitting and writing articles for the purpose of it being read and criticized by the half the population u know but this is a special situation. On top of helping out a friend who seems to be in dire need of articles to publish I get to aggravate my roomie aka best friend to the limit! You’ll ask if she can’t put up a protest over being written about. Usually she would, but considering her cocky “write about me” statement (which she never in the world thought I would actually do) is the reason I am even writing this nonsensical piece of prose, puts her at a disadvantage in an argument. Writing about your roomie is so 4th standardish so I’ll try to explain the room arrangement we both share which seems to confuse all my guy friends as to how we are roomies but not really. Contradicting isn’t it?! We are roomies cause I am in her room more than half the time

i cant believe its been more than two years since i jotted down anything in this online journal of mine! i guess i shouldn be surprised considering my actual diary is sittin on the shelf gathering dust for quite some time now.. "no time" is not an excuse and a very lame one even if it is.. cause its not like i never go online..why cant i find 30 min extra min in a day to jot down something if not here atleast in my diary?? cause most of the days, most of the time iam LAZY! lemme see how long this new found vigour of mine lasts.. it has been 2 long years since i came here.. two years of fun friends and freedom. dont get me wrong its not like my parents were so strict i was waiting to get out of my home..no they are sweet people who have always let me have my way.. lots have happened in the past two years.lots have changed. my hostel,my friends and even me.. is it for the better or for the worse? i belive it to be the former than the latter and nobody has told me otherwise.. a

Today it seems to me that the angel knew what he was talking about! Far away from home and in the midst of a whole new set of friends I think about all those who left footprints in my life. Every aspect of my life saw a change to the brighter side just because of those. Be it the success of having landed in a prestigious medical school or knowing how to be myself without getting lost among the crowd or making the proper decisions at the time they are needed and my etiquette which improved vastly thanks to all those angels who were and still are a big part of my life .they took care of me when I was sad, shouted at me when I deserved that and showed me the way to growing up without making it apparent. At this point of time looking back I realize their guidance help and the fun we had in between are the reasons for molding me into the person I am today. But now I am so far away from them all that I feel their presence more. Being able to talk to the

Life seems like a different experience in manipal. Different friends circle ,different style of life ,different atmosphere …everything is different .this is my first blog after landing up here and writing was not postponed due to lack of interest but of lack of time..even today I am lying down and writing this at the godforsaken hour of midnight when I have just returned to my hostel after a very long and tiring day ..for all those who are wondering how I come back at midnight to my girls hostel I have just one statement…THIS IS MANIPAL!!! Girls hostel has a curfew of 12am!!! And then also nobody even asks us where we are going or when we will be back… Freedom has am entirely different meaning around here.it could mean late night parties or romantic dates with your girl/boy friends at all the beautiful spots in and around this beautiful campus or it could also mean ending your life and leaving a never ending list of “w

hey dont think its a new movie ...actually it may be but the only acting in it is me....... coz "growing up "is exactly my situatoin now....i am out of skool so i a'int a kid any more but nor am i grown up in just the few months which i hav gotten out frm skool .. every kid wants to grow up fast and so did i ,but now i am in the middle and its damn confusing .i a'int a kid any more so no one can tell me what to do except my self and the pitfall is that i cant blame any one for my mistakes any more [:P].i dont hav any shedules to follow any more, i am on my own...but that makes a gal like [goin on 17 soon to b 18]me terrified i am gonna make a mistake ,my parents arent gonna b able to make right for me..i have to make all my decisons on my own and i cant rebel against the decisions i make for my self can i?????now that is something i am gonna get used to ,not rebelling i mean..hmmm how does someone,a kid but not a kid, like me know how to make decisions on a dailybas

friends for life.... I was browsing through my folders to search for " inspiration" to write something when i came across this pic,it was just a silly pic,it shouldnt have mattered at all but it did strike a chord somewhere deep inside .Looking at it made me remember all the fun and laughter friends share at school-the classes bunked ,the laughter shared ,the argument we always had ........it all seemed to come back with a rush....... life had been so simple then ......the maximum u had to do was just study and all the other things would fall in place along with it ,but back then studying seemed like an inconquerable task ,you had to run through tutions ,do your assignments ,show up everyday in class and do the bunking too...:P, hmmm....life always makes you realise how good things were after all of it is gone .Now i have all the time in the world and here i am sitting and wishing ,if only school wasnt over ,if only i c

the deepest of all...... the deepest of all oceans coudnt match up to the depth of a woman's mind if you dont agree find out for yourself but i guess no one can ever measure its depth ....... every word she says ,every little thing she does has thousands of meanings for her but no one understands it the way she does . a gals mind is like a deep blue ocean , clear as crystal in one second and turbulent and stormy in the next , no one knows why .......... somebody told me a gals mind is like a guitar ,wen u pass your fingers over the strings u get sounds of all kinds ,a melodious tune or a note unpleasant , it resonates with the sounds and this kept me thinking .............it was so right wen someone tells me something a thousand voices go through my mind before i make any of my usual outbursts ,people say i am spontaneous ,that i dont think before i say something ,if a thousand sounds reverberates in the mind of a spontaneous gal like me , i cant even imagine wat it must be like

there are some in your life,some in every ones life - either u hate them or u love them- but you just cant ignore them,they are a strong presence in your life though you acknowledge it or not .without them life would seem dull and grey but at the same time there are times when u wish they werent a part of your perfect world.these people know were you hurt the most and they also know what makes you the happiest person in the world, and they can and do use their knowledge to the effect they may desire . they are extremely passionate,and caring and loyal to the core but they demand the same from every one else but that doesnt make them bad people ,it just makes them infinitely difficult to understand .they bring out the best and worst in you and what makes it so exciting to know these people are that they complete you , without them u would be like a painting without colour..........

writing about your life is always hard it coz makes you review your life in ways you have never had to .it makes you remember tidbits of your life which were long burried in deepest of your hearts and and try making sense of it now ,at a later time ,it makes yopu remember the gud and the bad . life to me was always a book ,never completely read nor completly ignorant.the characters changed from time to time but their imporatance still remained,without them the book would be nothing but a colourless and drab blank page. but it was never so,to me it was always painted ,be it with red of passion,white of responsiblities ,green of loyalty,or yellow of friendship.......................,it was never dull nor was it ever blank but each new day brought a new colour. a colour for me to learn from ,for me to understand and above all for me to appreciate...................