dreams of a life time

It s been a really long while since I posted anything. It obviously doesn't mean nothing has been happening, it just means I have been procrastinating as usual, with the tomorrow coming today, after one and half years! But then, if I post everyday you guys would get bored right? 😄 So to give a brief synopsis of what happenedo far, I gave my theory exams in june,got pregnant in July, vomited my guts out from July to January and then finally pushed her out on March 6th. Obviously I wasn't the glowing happy mom- to- be. I, err, was a little less than ecstatic when the stick turned pink ( do not judge me O mom s out there or if u do don't let me know, I could be vicious and blame it on post partum depression -which I was sure I'd have but turned out I didn't 😆) Anyway to no surprise to me and lots to Sam (my significant other if u guys had forgotten) I had no maternal instincts whatsoever,  while I was pregnant, to the point that I was worried whether I'd get

We lie.We lie to each other about how it doesn't matter, we lie about how it doesn't change us, we lie about how we feel.We lie about everything. Do we lie to make ourselves feel better or do we lie to pretend all is well? Do we get sense of complacency when the world around us believe our lies? Life without lies has become like a  sea without salt. You don't know if it exist s or not. Lying makes you try to believe something you desperately want to believe but that doesn't make it the Truth. it just makes it a comfortable lie. YoU lie to yourself about how the hollow in your stomach is gonna disappear and how life is gonna be full again. YoU lie to yourself when you wake up in the morning about how today is gonna be different and how there's gonna be no lying, but even then you are just lying to yourself. Does it stop? Do u get back to being you with minimal lying? (I say minimum cause saying "no lying "would be a lie again) Do you learn how to let g

I have reached a juncture of my life where within a year a lot of decisions have to be made. Unlike the usual obsessive planning I do for my life,thinking about the next couple of years gives me the creeps. Never has it been this confusing.When I was in tenth it was study for boards and get into ISC, when in 12th it was get good marks work for entrance and get into medicine.Every year from then on, was just study to get to next year.Then post MBBS it was entrance all over again but all those times there was never any major confusions regarding where I was heading towards. It was always working towards getting a good career & getting married to sam  but now both are enroute, I have no worries that my dad is going to throw the gauntlet down and stop me form marrying sam (cause its already done and they seem to like him more than me these days :O :I) But now i have so many options in front of me, staring at my eyes, willing me to pick one and not regret it for the rest of my life.D

It has been a custom which  i have set to write something in and around my birthday. NO it does not mean i am self obsessed (my detractors be warned :D) I am just the kind who likes birthdays.There are 2 kinds of people in the world, the first which includes yours truly is the kind who believes in celebrating birthdays, however old you become.How does it matter if u are 2yrs,6yrs,26yrs or 62 yrs?! Your birthday is and always will beYOUR birthday, even if no one else is happy about it, you should be celebrating the blessings you have with all pomp and glamour (doesn't that make an for excellent excuse for cutting cakes and getting gifts? :P)Not to forget, is the second kind which includes yours truly's TRULY(Duh' Sam u fools :P, my husband, for the even slower ones :D)who doesnt seem to want to make any deal out of his birthdays :O. But i can not obviously let that be, i do my part in doing something (it is never upto what i want it to be like, but he is like 3000miles away

In my 25 years of being a social bee ( regretfully i admit my vices :D) i have met umpteen number of people,Be it relatives,friends, parents of friends,acquaintances,teachers,random people(the list could go on for some time! i love talking to new people and obviously everyone likes me too :D) but never have i come across some one who has inspired me so much as i have been in the last one and half years. And u ask""pray what happened one and half years ago? i joined post grad (dude you should know that by now!! :D) I have been inspired to learn, to be a better doctor and a better person as i have never been.A life spend without having met someone whom u adulate, with reason obviously ( i am obvously sensible!:D) is a life incomplete or so i feel now.The passion for knowledge, the commitment for work and the humility of his actions makes me a die hard fan.Rarely in life will you meet people of this genre, they are of a generation which is disappearing with the present, but w

So like all the'brides to be'i was also terrified and a bag of nerves.Everone kept saying how Marriage is this BIG deal which changes your life overnight and makes your life totally different.I had been a happy & content girlfriend for 5 years and a fiancee' for a year after that.Obviously there were changes in my life since I started dating Sam 6 years ago and wasn't naive to think life would be the same as when I was 19 and when I am 25. All the changes in my life had been smooth like a calm ocean and there had been no waves to capsize my boat.Sam had become my steer on my boat and we had been sailing smoothly bar some ripples ofcourse. So what was this Tsuami everyone had been scaring me about? :O I had been a girl who was suddenly supposed to become a women overnight! I thought I was strong enough in adversities but marriage seemed like an unnecessary addition to my list of worries. The question of 'to do or not to do' passed fleetingly through my hea

In my dimly lit ICU of 16 beds,there is a bed no 6, Dont let the number fool you,its not further down in the list of sick patients.My most sick patient has been on that bed for the last 45days. If you could call anyone a sweet looking grandfatherly patient there would be none other. A 65 year old sweet gentleman was brought on ventillator and is being treated for severe breathing difficulty (ARDS for those who u know ;) ).he has been a picture of a strong willed, forward looking optimistic generation of people who are seen only by a handful in our generation(me included). For the last 40 days he has greeted every one with a smile in the morning,even with a hole in his throat to help him breath(trachestomy) with a ventillator and tube through his nose to feed him.He,a pediatrician by profession has been a resilient soul with an apology every morning for accidentally pulling out his feeding tube.None of the sisters mind that extra job because he is the kind of patient you want to look a

For those who still find the patience to read my online rants, here goes another ONE :P You know, i think, when i am content in life i don't do online ranting which makes my EPICS of prose more sporadic than it is :D. I have not blogged in more than 6 months, which was when i was about to get engaged, NOW i am about to get married. Please do NOT  think my LIFE is only my LOVE LIFE,That would be the last assumption i want you to have. These last few weeks of  bachelorhood (or is it bachelorette-hood?) is making me reminiscent of last few years of being single.Good years i have had. Enlightened education (manipalites know what i am talking about :P)financial freedom, awesome freinds,life in a city away from home and considerate parents are the incredients of the recipe i prescribe for an awesome early 20's. You have not been lucky( or not lucky as i have been ;) ) if You Have not - 1. Seen a second show movie with your girl friends. 2. Had a midnight drive on the high

hey, so i know its been a while since i wrote anything to anyone but lets just say i have been swamped with work like crazy.when you are learning on your feet on how not to kill someone you kinda lose focus on anything else. it obviously helps that i love what i am learning and doing. BUT, I thought maybe i should put a pause on it and just enjoy  the moment, what if it passes and life crashes around me and then i regret that i didnt take this moment to enjoy it. for anyone who s still in the dark, i am getting ENGAGED!!! after a long and relatively drama free relationship we have decided (Actually he didn't have much of a choice in the matter :D) to make it legal with a ring and all :D I am usually not very vocal about my relationship other than the fact that i am in one ( even though usually u have to ask me to keep shut once i start talking :D ) but once u take a look back and realize how lucky you have been in love, u wanna pen it down, if not for anything to make su

Falling in love is a beautiful feeling.Yes people its probably the oldest cliché in the world but I cant help it ,I didn’t say it first and there is no rule that I cant repaeat it :D I am back after so long so obviously I am rusty and u guys have to give me a break! First of all I had so much going on in my life that I had no time to sit and relax with a peaceful mind and obviously therefore no time to eat all your heads with my entertaining non sense :D (yes I know its nonsense,but dude you are reading it so obviously u have as much free time as I do :D) There, I went rambling off  from the topic of discussion again, I really should get tested for ADHD! ( for all those sane people who didn chose to suffer with medicine as a  career,its attention deficit disorder :D ) sigh to have ambition is a folly one realizes way too late in life :P yes,were were we? Love.. it happens to you before you know it has happened,it makes you so happy that you are smiling all the time,there s a skip

Any girl or atleast any near normal girl dreams of her wedding day. Yes it’s cliché but there s something fairy tale like to be the Queen of the day. You look your best, wear the best and you are waited on hand & foot by everyone. She will have to come back to the real world soon enough, with probably worry in her eyes, than stars, about being in the new house with new responsibility and new people, but for that day she almost forgets anything but the dream like effect of being the “glowing” bride. ERR.. u must be wondering why I am almost mooning :D well of course I am normal(almost),if my mother is to be believed I demanded white wedding gown and shiny diamond necklace when I was just over 5,decided on the place of my wedding by the time I was ten :D NO I am not getting married,atleast not today :D (I haven’t found anyone willing enough to marry me rite this week, not even this year!:P) I am 24(25 according to my dad s convoluted calculations :O)so I am allowed to be pini

And then I lost it again! U wouldn’t believe the number of times I have had to count to ten to stop screaming. Well actually anyone who has known me long enough will have no trouble believing it at all :D Yep a very short fuse of a temper is one of my long list of vices, I think it should come on the top of the list or maybe 2 nd ,( first being unbelievably nosy :D) In my defense I always think I am the victim, when I get carried away with my anger management issues. It is essentially me only who ends up feeling bad or embarrassed or both and has to apologize! (ouch! That might sound like a defense only in my head :O)but seriously I am sure there are kindered souls out there who agree with me when I say it’s usually not my fault :D also believe me when I say that you would rather have me drain my anger than keep it in cause I am beautifully talented at being mean too :D Like I have said before I am very enthusiastic about everything I do, my temper tantrums being no exception :D

10 months later is not the perfect time to write a travelogue,especially for someone like me who is blessed with a short memory span(forgetfulness makes me less nastier to the world :D) but to tell the truth,it never even occurred to me that my ten days and 11 nights, or wait was it the other way?, in a foreign land is all I needed to think of for inspiration to blabber like usual.Now thtat I know there are a few of you out there who read this nonsense without me having to force them :D(my blog view is 999!,yes I know I am gloating but hey, every girl is allowed her moment of ‘head in the clouds’)is good wnough  encouragement for me to continue to drone on! My first passport stamps,my first international flights,my first soujourn out of the country,that trip had lots of firsts for me. Yes its sadly true that the first person to ask my hand in marriage to my parents was actually a very charming Israel-ian shop keeper :D the fact that I steadfastly refused to spare my dollars must

Anyone who has seen me will can vouch for my article :D I have always been of more than average height for a girl to be called outright fat but have had enough on me till 3 yrs ago to be called more than chubby. Of course this is not to say I was someone who was happy with the excess I had on me but then was always too lazy to do anything about it :D my dad had this standing joke from probably when I was 15 or so about how I wouldn’t fit through a door by the time I turned 35 :O. none of what my dad said could budge me to do anything about it and anyway it’s my dad, I knew he was kidding (didn’t i? :D) Well all that kind of changed 3yrs ago. I guess I could put the blame on 2 very special people. They had their own reasons but I would not have done a thing to change till I myself came to that conclusion by myself.( Sam can vouch for how much time it takes to convince me of something :D) but anyway 3 yrs and almost 10 kg lesser I am glad I made the change :D this is not to say it

the title itself is way too serious for my easy go lucky blog of mine ( so i believe) but its something i have contemplated quite a few times,more times confusedly than anything and wondered if i was the only one around who thought unconditional love was just a word of stories and movies.  This thought,before any of u jump to conclusions,does NOT come from any cynicism or any less faith in love. For those who know me and those who dont, let me tell you i am a really BIG romantic , yes i love mushy movies,grand gestures,feel good books (roomie dear, vouch for me :D) and am strong advocator of being happily in love. i have been loved and cared for, and with gods grace, never ever been unlucky in any kind of love.  i am excluding parents from this equation when i doubt unconditional love (my mother must have unconditional love for forgiving the THINGS i did,do and will do :D)  but when i think about love,i have always understood of myself that i put effort,time and care into a reltio

I am 23 and ¾ th yrs old. U would think I am too young to know some one for 14 yrs but apparently not!Friendships you make when you are ten are not suppsed to last till you are 24,nobody would fault you for losing touch or not having the same depth as before.But I can confidently say I have known N for 14 yrs with the same depth of friendship as we shared when we were ten. Anybody  who knows us would say we are as different as friends go,for two people who really only studied together for 2 yrs and that too when we were 10 and 11yrs, we have stuck it out. We have seen so much of each others life it would be a sin if we lose touch after these long 14 yrs and believe me I don’t think we will!Its not like we were in the same town while in college and hence it was easy or anything like that. She was in kerala I was in manipal,she is in blore am in kerala.scenes have changed people have changed but fate has kept us close.i believe there is always a situation in your life when the presenc

i remember being told, or was it among those things we just know but dont know how exactly we know,that speaking out loud what u dearly want could jinx it.Its probably one of those old wives tales which i would'n pay any attention to until its about something i want :D Anyway this is very important to me,this will shape out what i do for the rest of my life starting next year SO i am not taking any chances.Yes its obviously about what post graduation i am hoping to get into and anyone who has talked to me recently is already aware of it but sending it out into the big bad world seems like bad karma!  I started out,in school, wanting to be Dr.Teena, IAS.(yes it sounds cool!) Somewhere along the journey to get those prefixes the dream changed from those post fixes. lets say it had to do with long hours spend cramming,some precious moments u experience with those prefixes and changes in priority which happens when life becomes happier.(not that i was unhappy before!) So it changed,n

i am not even sure anyone reads the random ravings of MOI but it gives me intense satisafaction to think i have a wide and varied audience who patiently reads through my ramblings and hopefully it brings on their(atelast on 1) faces a smile, if that happen s i d say my job here( though i have been absconding for mooooonttthhs) is DONE! anyway laziness plus too many things happening but none of significane can be blamed on these rare appaearances. so i make no promises that i ll follow through with this one and become a prmanent blogger (ppl would prolly thank me for tht :D) anyway for anyone who hasn been updated on my change of scene, i finished mbbs,house surgeoncy,graduation,8 unsuccesful entrance exams(no it doesnt make me pathetic :D),shifted bases to thrissur,started work(hard earned money has its own value :D) and am hoping to sudy study and study this year in hopes of cracking the 9th exam!! even though blogging is supposed to be open your soul kinda thing me being an extre

I woke up with a start at 7.45am,i was so LATE!! I was supposed to be in hospital at 8 and that too for DMO(duty medical officer) and of all the days i had to tak an early morning shower to make sure i dont wanna rip my skin out of being in hospital for 24 hrs without seein outside sun and after being in all the wierd smells possible!!! i rush and am here by 8.15 and everythng seems to be going slow & stable,just 2 patients-1, 54 yr old with cough & fever with creps & xray that even i can diagnose as pneumonia and 1 18yr old gal who s prolly having an anxiety attack cause of an exam.lets see what my day has in hold for me.if i get a chance to blog again that mean i am way too relaxed!! lets hope i do!! :D

1.OBG is not for me,i can think of one who d be glad to hear tht! :P 2.interns get shouted at by pg s who get shouted by asst.prof who get it from assoc prof who gets it from hou s. 3.we totally deserve the money they are giving us! 4.moments of internship bring a smile to your face and make all of it worth it! 5.we dont know eonugh to cure but thankfully we know enough not cause more harm. 6.sisters are a gem! they make our lives easier and many a times they know more from their experience than we do. 7.every day in hospital u see a doctor whom you should pray that you dont turn out like. 8.some teachers of us are so good they deserve the respect we give and some are so bad,we wonder what they are doing most of the time?! 9.humility is a virtue one can never have too much off! 10.and yes ofcourse noone ever told tht PG life is this bad! :O :O 11.finally,this seems like all the fun we ll have so pls do have fun!!!